The Struggle Within

They told me that when you get into the real world, you change. I thought I wouldn't do it, I thought I would be the same, and the world would change. I thought that the world change to be my dream.
The surreal dream of a white world. Because, the first dream that we ever had, wasn't the one of it being black.

But No, that doesn't really happen. The world doesn't change in to our dream. It wants us to change in to our nightmares.

The world makes most of us so pessimistic, that we question basic goodness. We expect people to be good to us; but when they are good to us, we don't really believe it. We are so used to things going wrong and people being bad, that when things actually go right or people are actually good, we don't believe it. We can't digest it.

Everyone is different, and everyone knows it. We know that we are unique in someway or the other. That there is something in us because of which people will call us 'weird'.

For a long time, we believe that we have to be ourselves, and that's the only way we can make a mark. We don't want to give in to peer pressure; we don't do what 'they' want us to do.

But still, we always want to 'fit in' to that group which we perceive to be the 'coolest'.

And over a period of time, after deadlines, and work pressures, and maybe loneliness, we are tired. We're tired of fighting the battles between our need to be ourselves and our need to belong.

And when the need to belong caves in, it chokes, because the need to be ourselves is as strong.

And some of us, we give in to the need. We become who we are not. We do things that we don't really want to do. We look for happiness, in that which doesn't really give us happiness. We become fake. We talk like 'them' and eat what 'they' eat and drink what 'they' drink and wear what 'they' wear.

But I wonder, after losing the path that we want to walk on, how many of us actually live happily?